To: Decepticon Forces

From: Soundwave, Decepticon Communications

Re: Mix Tape

To whoever took the mix tape labelled “Soundwave Does the ’80s” from the lounge area, please return it to me. It is not, in fact, a mix tape. It is Squalktalk locked in his alt mode due to a tragic accident with an Amazing Amanda doll, a tube of toothpaste and a microwave. I am offering a reward of 25 energon cubes, no questions asked.

Also, Rumble would like the April 2006 issue of Cosmo returned to him, Spectro. You’ve had it for four weeks now, quite enough to study the photography techniques.

Finally, to the person or persons responsible for placing an iTunes gift card under the door to my quarters: Very funny. Everyone knows Apple hasn’t put out a decent product since the //c, no matter what their ad department tells you. Also, I am not obsolete until Steve Jobs is able to launch an entire squadron from his torso. In summation: bite my aft, glitch.